mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
