32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
