walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
