If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
