I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
