how can u be prego again
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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