Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
