I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
