Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
