We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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