"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
These tits shall not be calmed
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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