I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
