My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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