I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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