Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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