The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
