Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
