I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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