I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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