my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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