Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
