1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i drank out of a bidet.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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