M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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