Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
