pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
