I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
