Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
