Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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