I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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