please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
