if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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