I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
