I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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