hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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