I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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