I hate your face
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
