is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
