We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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