you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
