My first STD was from a foam party
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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