i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
They took my balls.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
