dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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