Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
