Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
