I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
