I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
