You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
