OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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