Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
