so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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