i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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