my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
