You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
