How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
