so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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