If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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