Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
