I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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