I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
