Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
They are going to name an STD after you.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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