what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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