so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he high fived his dick after we had sex
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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