you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
