So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
that is very illegal...i love you.
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