shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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