I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
