dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
