i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
