Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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