they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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