I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
